Hi! I’m Jackie Lee… aka The (Wannabe) Zen Wahm. I’ve been a work at home mom for over 8 years now. I quit my job in the mental health field just a couple weeks before I had my beautiful daughter. I had become so frustrated, and fed up with the state of mental health treatment, and the politics I just couldn’t do it anymore. I also knew in my heart of hearts, that I wanted to raise my daughter. I just couldn’t put her in day care.
So, I quit my job, and became a mom, and a blogger. I’ve been blogging for almost a decade now. My kiddo was a rough (I mean ROUGH) baby, turns out, I learned along the way, that’s she’s a “spirited child” ~ MORE of everything. (If you have or are struggling with a spirited child I highly recommend this book) It was this spiritedness that drove me to blogging. I literally thought I was a horrible mother, and the only person alive who had a kid who screamed 20 hours a day, only slept in 5 minute increments, and thought I was going to lose.my.mind. (Wish I’d had some of the tools in my backpack that I have now). The only way I’ve pretty much ever learned to handle hard things is to write about it. So, I started a blog, and lo and behold, there were other moms out there who knew exactly what I was talking about! I wasn’t alone!
I was so grateful for my blog and being able to connect with other moms who knew what I was going through. It never dawned on me I could actually make money from my blog, until one day I shared a story about a book, or maybe it was a sling, I don’t know, it was something I bought that helped me. I shared a link and said, something like, if this helped me… maybe it could help you. And once again I was astounded that based on my experience, and sharing my story people went out and bought that thing… and because the link I’d shared was my Amazon affiliate link… I earned a little commission. But… that changed everything. I knew if I could make a few pennies, I could make as much as I could dream of making.
Blogging suddenly turned into a career, and took up a LOT of my time. I learned and learned and learned and implemented. I started teaching other new bloggers the things I was learning along the way, and they started to build up more profitable blogs as well.
I started finding myself getting agitated and annoyed when I was interrupted. I found myself snapping at my sweet (though still very spirited) kiddo. I found myself losing my temper when I couldn’t get things to work, just the right way, in just the right amount of time… aka the very first time. I found myself less and less happy… even though I was home with my kiddo, “raising” her, and growing this incredibly successful blog.
There came I time when I started to burn out. I wanted the proverbial “more”. I wanted to feel good. I wanted to feel ZEN. That’s when I started turning my attention toward personal growth. I started reading more books, and implementing things I’d learned, only to look back a few months later and find myself in exactly the same place I’d started. Working non stop, angry to be interrupted, and even though I was home, I was missing most everything.
My life went on like this for quite a while… years actually. I was caught in this never ending cycle of focused on work and then swinging to hating myself for missing my life and turning to personal development to make a change.
This summer I decided things had to change. I declared it the “Blog Less. Live More” summer. I focused almost entirely on my kiddo. We had tons of fun. We had an amazing summer.
This year she started 3rd grade. I dropped her off the first day and found myself kind of wandering around the house wondering what was next. The second day I dropped her off and found myself again wandering in circles wondering what was next in my life.
After much contemplation, consideration, going back and forth trying to talk myself out of it, I decided to take an epic quest, a hero’s journey, a vision quest… call it what you want. I’m taking the next year and spending it in a journey of personal discovery. My intention is to keep moving closer to love, compassion, and you guessed it… Zen. (as defined as: relaxed and not worrying about things that you cannot control and/or change)
With my fledgling meditation/mindfulness practice as the foundation of this adventure, I’m taking one topic each month and digging deep. I’m going to wallow in and around these topics, trying them on and seeing how they fit. Taking a deep look at my beliefs in and around these topics, and digging out the limiting beliefs that have held my life hostage. I’m bringing them to the light to look and see if they are really truths, or simply thoughts I keep thinking, and if they are simply thoughts I keep thinking, I’m going to see how they feel, how they support me, how they offer me a way to shine my light into the world… and if they don’t. I’m gonna chuck them, and replace them with something that feels better.
OMG. It’s going to be an amazing journey. For.Real.
You’re welcome to come along for the ride. I will be sharing my thoughts, feelings, aha moments, practical tasks we do, and reviewing books I’m reading along the way. You’ll find new posts here 2 to 3 times a week. (make sure you subscribe so you are notified when new posts are published). I’ll also be sharing the journey, new posts, and any interesting articles/blog posts/information I find that I love on my new Zen Wahm Facebook page. Go ahead and like the page! I’m also on Instagram… and plan to simply share our lives and this journey in pictures along the way over there. I look forward to getting to know you better, and sharing the journey.