Quick Note To Feisty Moms Everywhere

I had a huge awakening today. Yeppers. I did.

I was thinking about my writing, and my website, and my mothering, and wondering why, even with all the practice I’ve been doing, I can’t be more like the Moms from some of my favorite websites. I was wondering why I can’t write more like them, wax poetic, sound calm, never lose it with my kid, and be a touching voice of encouragement in the world.

I was wondering to myself why it is, every time I read a post from Finding Joy and Hands Free Mama I find myself crying by the end.

Is it because the posts are amazing? I imagine that’s part of it.

Is it envy of all the comments? Maybe a little.

Is it lust for their traffic. Well there is that, but I don’t think that’s what makes me cry.

More than any of  that, and this is the awakening I mentioned earlier, I realized I have always wanted to be the mom they seem to be (from reading their posts in my limited view). The awakening was, understanding I never would be. The tears come from knowing I will never be THAT mom and, subconsciously feeling guilty about it.

A quick note for feisty moms everywhere. ZenWahm.comI had a friend, way back in the day, I think we met at a mommy meetup. She was mellow, and calm, and pulled together. Her voice as smooth as as an NPR host. She never yelled… hell she never even seemed to get flustered.

Quite frankly I hated hanging out with her. I never felt quite adequate. I’m a loud talker, and it’s worse when I get excited (which is often, about a lot of things). I move fast, make bold moves. I yell when my kid is in danger (physically or risking her life by pushing me to the breaking point). I, for some reason, felt she was a “better” mom than I was. I’m not sure what makes me believe being a quiet, soothing, nonplussed mom is better, but I did… heck I still do most days.

The things is… I’ve got a spirited kid. She is bold. She is intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive, hates change, and her first response to anything/everything… is no.

It takes a bold and feisty mom to help a kid like that learn to move through the world with ease and grace, kindness and compassion.

My mom tells me often… “I don’t know how you do it. I could never have raised a kid like her”.

And I’m pretty sure that’s true. I’m also pretty sure that my kiddo chose me, because I am the perfect mom for her. She didn’t choose an NPR mom because that’s not the kind of mom she needs.

She needs someone who can be down and dirty and loud and proud, and teach her how to manage big emotions because she’s spent the last 44 years learning how to do it herself. She needs someone who, at times, is reactive and has learned to manage it (kind of). She needs someone who, at times, can be mouthy… and has (mostly) learned to manage it and control it in certain circumstances.

She needs someone who’s ready, willing and able to accept her for who she is, because she’s been working on doing those things for herself her whole life. She needs a mom who doesn’t expect or need her to be docile and easy going, because she knows that’s just not who she is. She needs a mom who wants her to be herself, and grow up feeling comfortable in her own skin, no matter how loud. 😉

Yes, I’m on a journey to be more patient, and practice kindness, and compassion… and those are all skills I hope to teach my kiddo through example. I love my daily practices… they make me feel good, and peaceful, and still they make me no less of a feisty mom when it comes down to it. And that’s ok. Feisty is who I am. It’s what makes me me. It’s also what makes me an awesome mom.

The next time you read one of the amazing posts written by two of my favorite bloggers… enjoy the post, let it help you feel better if you need it in the moment, but don’t let it, not even for one tiny moment, make you think being a feisty mom isn’t just as amazing.

#iamafeistymom

#feistymomsrock

 

 

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10 Responses to Quick Note To Feisty Moms Everywhere

  1. Dawn says:

    OMG Jackie! I know that you didn’t right this blog post for the comments or traffic but I hope you get a ton of both.

    I too, read Finding Joy Moms and Hands Free Mama and can’t get to the end of a post without tears streaming down my cheeks.

    After reading this post, I too, am a loud talker. I swear. I spend too much time trying to “get work done” when I should be spending time with my little missy.

    We spend way too much time comparing ourselves to those around us and feeling less than. Instead, we should just focus on being more of us and less of “her”, whoever “her” is. Now I wonder what those quiet moms think of us? Do they see us as more outgoing and confident and wish they were more like us? It really doesn’t matter though, right? We are all unique and meant to be that way.

    Here’s hoping that you and I, and all the other “loud talkers” can find peace in our ways and just be. 🙂

    • Jackie Lee says:

      Dawn,
      Thank you so much for your comment. YES! I forgot the swearing part!! I definitely do that too. It’s amazing how much easier it is to be “YOU” when you realize you’ve been trying to tamp yourself down, trying to not make others uncomfortable, trying to be the epitome of the “perfect mom” you’ve have created in your head, that has absolutely nothing to do with who YOU are! Who knew? 😉 Thanks for stopping by, and sharing the post. I really do appreciate it, and you. 🙂

  2. Michelle says:

    I think we could be friends! First of all, I am LOUD, opinionated, feisty and yes, at times when reading other blogs, I feel the SAME way you do. But, I tell myself, “things are not always what they appear to be.” Need some encouragement on being mom, I just posted TODAY on my blog (yes, getting you over there) “Being Mom”- read it and see all the wonderful things you are to have that title. I enjoyed reading this and glad I picked your box at Small Victories Sunday Link Party.

  3. Charity says:

    My kid that is hard for me to manage is my extremely clingy, outspoken girl…sigh.

  4. DebM says:

    Hey Jackie, I’m proud of you! And, I love the ladies and the blogs you mentioned above, too. You know there are a million and one ways to raise a kid. A million and one ways to be a mom. All you have to do is look in the mirror and know that you’ve done your best. Just know that your life will never look like the mom’s life on the other side of your computer screen–ever! The truth is, there are more moms like you and I’m probably right there with you–with a few more twists and turns and tales–go figure. It’s your time to feel the love and know you are M•O•M! Rock it, Babe!

  5. Christine Mayo says:

    Loved this! I would consider myself a ‘quiet’ Mom, and from the other side of the fence, I am always in awe of ‘fiesty moms’. I wish I had the courage and self confidence. I wish I could stand up for myself and what I believe like fiesty moms. I wish I could walk up to the kid playing too rough or doing something wrong around my child, but the quiet mom in me just takes my daughters hand and steers her away. I wish I had the assertiveness to use my No’s when I need them. Good for you fiesty mom’s! We are in awe of you and look up to you! 🙂

    • Jackie Lee says:

      Oh Christine, you have no idea how much this means. 🙂 It’s so easy to only see things from where we stand… and make up all kinds of crazy about what the rest of the world thinks. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective.

  6. Echo says:

    I am definitely a feisty mom and I think a lot of moms will totally relate to this post! Thank you so much for sharing it at the #SmallVictorySundayLinkup!

  7. I’m guilty of that too — judging myself in relation to others. Isn’t it interesting how many of us fee inadequate, yet others look up to us for “all that we do” and “how well” we do it?

    Thanks for sharing at #SmallVictoriesSundayLinkup …I’ve pinned this post and hope you stop by again to link up again for this upcoming week!

  8. Echo says:

    Such a great message. Thank you for sharing it again at the #SmallVictoriesSundayLinkup!

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